A Troubled Heart (Part 3)

The cold grass tickled her toes, soothing the ache she felt in her feet after a long day’s work at the hospital. He had suggested they find a place to sit, and without waiting for her to say anything, had already made his way over to the lawn and sat down. She followed him to where he now lay, stretched out as if he was in his own bed, ready to call it a night. She found comfort in the stillness, the cool breeze, and in the way he casually lay down next to her, looking up at the sky as if he was lost in its blackness. It amused her slightly; he had never been a very reflective person, but the way he looked now, it was almost as if important life decisions were being made in his head at this very moment. She looked up to take in the sights; the London Eye, standing tall in all its glory… the dark, calm river to their right, illuminated slightly by the lights on the bridge above it. The sound of a violin playing somewhere off in the distance and the gentle murmur of other peoples’ conversation carried through the wind, adding to the atmosphere.

For a long time, neither one of them said anything.

She found herself thinking about her first relationship. It had ended horribly. She met Aiman just a few months after starting university, and for eight months they had lived the typical whirlwind romance. For eight months she had been completely absorbed in him, spending every free minute she had in his presence. She remembered how she couldn't go to sleep at night until he had called her, how he lit up her darkness with an unrelenting spark that always managed to keep her fire for him burning. That was until he suddenly decided to leave the country to pursue his studies elsewhere, and seemed to do so without a care for their relationship. She had then spent the next two years in a world where Aiman was no longer a reality but a raw, open wound. She buried herself in the pain of his memory, let herself get intoxicated by it, barely getting by on the bare minimum of human interaction. She had lost her ability to trust anyone entirely.
 

Which was why there had been one thing that she had found strange on the way down to the London Eye. It had bothered her immensely, but at the same time made her feel at ease, as much as it confused her. Usually when someone had tapped into her emotions the way her friend had just now, she would feel exposed and vulnerable. Her first instinct would be to shut down, stay far away from them and any opportunity they might see to explore her affection. In her mind, it was the only way she could protect herself from going through the long drawn out process of trying to move on from a relationship; she had no desire to ever go through it again. But this time was different: she didn’t mind that he now had some idea of what was going on. He was incredibly difficult to deal with on most occasions, but for some reason she thought she could trust herself, and him, to let things play out.

'Do you want to talk about it?'. He had come out of his reverie, sat up, brushed bits of damp grass off the back of his t-shirt and turned around to face her.

'No' she answered; that was the last thing on her mind at this moment. What she wanted was more moments like this, for their friendship to stay in limbo, while she had time to process this new window that had opened up between them. The way she saw it, it was only going to go one of two ways; he would either reciprocate and they would start this new journey together, or he would tell her he didn't feel the same way about her, and that she should move on.

She had no idea which one it was going to be, but she did know one thing for certain; she did not want to find out right now. The day was going so well, and she didn't want to ruin it by having her feelings for him turned down.