Saturday, 26 July 2014

I Miss You

I lay in bed in the wee hours of the morning, reliving the countless, tiny moments that make up what we are.

I miss you.

Each and every day is a battle to move on from what once was. When we used to see each other every day. Yes it meant nothing to you, but for me it was a reason to wake up every morning and dress for another day at school. For me it was a reason to smile, something I didn't do very often. It was what I needed, despite the vulnerability that it put me through, to make the best of a powerless situation.

I miss you.

I wonder if you think about me the way I think about you. I wonder if what people say is true. I wonder; oh how much I wonder what it would be like to be on the other side of this kind of love. I wonder if your heart skips a beat when my name lights up your screen. I wonder why it is so difficult for me to tell you this, even though I feel the need to do so, every single time we talk.

I miss you.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would be stuck in this kind of predicament. It just was not me. But it's strange what you can let yourself get caught up in if you're not careful. And even though I basked in the glory of what it was like to simply know you, I think that I am now prepared for it to be over.

But even as I think this, I'm 'still' missing you.

There is no other way to put it. No escaping from it,  no stalling it, no delaying it. It has been made clear to me now; lifetimes will pass. Times will change. The people we know and love will change. But you have become something that has become engraved deep within my soul. You have shaped parts of my character; showed me what it is I dislike about myself, and what I wish would stay the same. Call me selfish, because I want you to be happy, but only with me. Because I cannot live out the rest of my life having you act like you are oblivious to the fact that a part of me will always, truly, and dearly miss you.

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